My room smells like vodka and shame
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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