Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I die, sorry about rent.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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