I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
