I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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