I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
