I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
