Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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