some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
