We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
