are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
