i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want a musical about memes.
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