if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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