Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
