Im at strip club and am horny
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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