I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
