Me too!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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