I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
