Christians are straight up FREAKS
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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