I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
