Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
