just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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