Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
