PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize