The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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