new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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