I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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