The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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