We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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