I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
