Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
