i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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