They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
its liver damage thursday
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