I didn't shave. On purpose
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
