shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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