Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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