Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
