Why does Corona taste like a burp?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
