it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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