I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize