literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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