the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
