True but thats because hes a fetus.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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