Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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