She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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