Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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