Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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