just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
