The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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