The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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