Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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