well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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