Only a mothe r could love this liver
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
