I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
