rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize