I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
