i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
