the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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