i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
