Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
