You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
babies were throwing up all over the place
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Randomize
