even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
