A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
