You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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