I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
