ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
