Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
