All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
