OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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