We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
